I can’t remember the last time I was genuinely happy

I always so down, I used to be a good pretender but my acts grown so thin. I feel like anyone I talk about how I really feel only pretends to care, in the beginning and the more I talk to them the more I annoy them. I don’t blame anyone, who wants to listen to someone - who has nothing really wrong in her - life just bitch and complain constantly. I can’t really talk to anyone, not honestly. I wouldn’t want to. I’m stuck in this spiralling rut of hatred and anger. I want to get out. I will do anything, how do I tell the people I love that this isn’t their fault, that they did nothing wrong. How do I fix this without my mum feeling like she failed as a parent, like she should have seen the real me and not believe the mask that I wore for so long. My mother must never find out the things I’ve confessed on here.

I’m so tired.